How I Felt As a White Straight-Passing Bisexual Millennial Sexual Assault-Surviving Woman on Election Night in America
Tired.
It’s the kind of exhaustion you feel when you’re inching toward the finish line only to discover you have ten laps to go.
That being said, I have to acknowledge the fact that I am still in a position of privilege. I’m white. I come from a middle class background. I have a college education. When people look at me, they don’t make the assumption that I am part of the LGBT+ community. Even so, I refuse to conceal any aspect of my life out of fear. I’m bisexual. I’ve been sexually assaulted. I’m a woman. I will not allow anyone to use those facts to make me feel inferior.
I’m proud to live in a country where everyone has the opportunity to engage in democracy. What I am not proud of is the resulting hatred that has emerged from that power as well as the knowledge that nearly 60 million American citizens support a candidate who has attempted to marginalize a majority of the population.
When the election results were announced, I was scared. Terrified even. But now that I’ve had time to let the reality of a Trump administration marinate in my psyche, I’m not afraid anymore. This is not because I’ve accepted what he or his running mate stand for — quite the opposite. It’s that I feel prepared to take on whatever challenges I may be faced with in the next four years. In fact, I’ve been training for it my whole life. When a stranger blocks my path on the sidewalk and tells me to smile, I’ve learned to stare him down and scowl like the Sea Hag instead of dissipating into a miasma of embarrassment. I’ve learned that if someone makes a cringe-worthy “joke” that offends me, I don’t have to fake laugh to be polite. I’ve learned to reclaim homophobic and sexist terms (i.e. “nasty woman”) so those words can no longer be used to hurt me. I have learned my own worth. Now that the United States has elected its most chauvinistic and unqualified candidate to date, our nation’s response to prejudice will be tested on a much larger scale.
So yes, I am angry, devastated, and hurt. And I’ve been tired of all of the racism, misogyny and xenophobia that we’ve come to expect from the president-elect. But being tired doesn’t satisfy me. So I’m here to say that I took my nap, and now I’m refreshed and ready to fight back.
I will continue to live my life loud and proud just as I did before. Maybe even a little louder. I have within me the strength to look anyone in the eye and say, “You cannot stop me.” I will respond by living my fullest life and loving all the parts of me that some people despise. While I understand that it may be harder for some than others due to factors such as race, religion, ability, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, and so on, I encourage you to join me on this journey. Keep creating art or curing diseases or innovating technology or doing whatever it is that you do. We have to acknowledge that America is under new management, but we cannot afford to live in fear or be complacent. The rest of the world has their eyes on the land of the free, and it is up to us to prove that love trumps hate.
